Script Review: GET CARTER

by Darwin Mayflower

WARNING: SPOILERS!

(07/11/00)

Boring - uninteresting and tiresome; dull.

Cliched - having become stale or commonplace through overuse; hackneyed.

Empty - containing nothing. -2- not occupied; vacant. -3- lacking force, effect, or significance.

Its easier to rate GET CARTER by showing what it epitomizes.

GET CARTER has a long history. It started out as a book called JACKS RETURN HOME by Ted Lewis. It was turned into a much-loved film in 1971 by writer-director Mike Hodges starring Michael Caine. Its now being remade by Stephen Kay, who rewrote a script originally penned by David McKenna (AMERICAN HISTORY X).

Sylvester Stallone plays the lead (Jack Carter). Michael Caine makes a cameo. And, I must say, if this doesnt put a stop to Stallones career nothing will.

GET CARTER isnt just bad -- its one of the worst scripts Ive ever read. It may be the first screenplay to be labeled style over substance. Kay and McKenna sure like to play around with the format, and they have a jaunty, engaging style, but the script is so deadingly dull its hard not to toss it aside and reach for the Tylenol.

As Ive said, GET CARTER is a beloved film that people will always praise. But I have a feeling, like the original SHAFT, that those who laude it probably havent seen it in fifteen years.

Like the script spawned from it, its not very good. Its awkwardly shot, a little confusing, not very interesting, and we just never care.

But it has one thing going for it. And thats Michael Caine. Caine plays Jack Carter as the ultimate bad-ass bastard. Hes every bit as cool as Billy Jack, McQueen in BULLITT and Toshiro Mifune in YOJIMBO. Think of a less-rich, cockney, bellicose Thomas Crown (as played by McQueen) and you almost have him. Without Caines confident, elegant presence, the movie would be as jejune as the remakes script.

The script -- and I guess we should remember Kay co-wrote THE MOD SQUAD -- thinks the following:

That mobsters still run Las Vegas.

That we want to read eighty pages of repetitive dialogue.

That we want to read four identical car chases that start and finish with mind-numbing simplicity.

The story hasnt changed too much. Were in America now. And one of the bad guys is a computer mogul who also deals in porn. Updating the character to an overnight, computer-stock multimillionaire is a good idea, but it doesnt fit into the scripts old-school, 70s feel.

Carter still wants to know what happened to his brother, who apparently got drunk and drove off a cliff. The new Carter never does anything to find out. Instead it feels like he talks in one-sentence clips for a long time until things finally drop into his lap.

This time around, however, since Carter is more Hollywood-friendly, theres a wife Carter consoles and commiserates with and a daughter he comforts and helps.

The main problem with the script is the Carter character. Caine was a remorseless killer who had charm to burn. Stallones version is a stumbling mope who chokes out half-sentences and cannot express himself.

Were told Stallone is cool. But were never shown.

The writers are much more interested in insulting Seattle and its love for coffee. Or having Carter emerge from his arm-breaker job in Vegas like a caveman from a block of ice and be amazed by Starbucks and modern technology.

Kay and McKenna also throw away the best scene in the movie: Caine, in what may be cinemas first phone-sex scene, talks dirty to his girlfriend (the bosss wife) back home while his landlady listens in. Caine is getting two women off, in two different locations, and he doesnt even have to lift a finger.

I have a feeling Stallone might have a hard time purring, "Take off your bra. I want to stroke you."

GET CARTER is in the bad-ass movie genre. Steve McQueen, in this mans humble opinion, was the king. The genre exists in print, too. And guys like Jim Thompson and Ted Lewis (who wrote a handful of Carter books) could write them with their eyes closed.

THE LIMEY was an homage to these films. Terrance Stamp was born to play the bad-ass, and he does an excellent job, but hes let down by the screenplay there and hes lost, as is everything else, in the visual chicanery.

PARKER, Brian Helgelands script which became PAYBACK, was a picture-perfect bad-ass movie. Writing tough-guy dialogue is difficult; it can easily slip into parody. But Helgeland nailed it -- and just about everything else.

He knew the grounds and walked softly and lightly. Which is the way to go. Its a shame that he cast Mel Gibson and then had to give up the movie.

The stories are always simple. The bad-ass is looking for someone or something. No one wants him around. As the outsider he plays all sides and learns the dirt on everyone. Usually the higher up they are the more lowdown their perversions.

Helgeland knew how to have fun with this. Or at the very least use it for a salutary effect. Kay and McKenna arent even aware enough to present it.

The only thing of interest in the new GET CARTER is what actually happened. Its taken -- with a digital update -- from the earlier film. One has to think that if the writers had only gotten to it quicker, and dealt with it with a stronger, brutish hand, the script would have succeeded in its second half.

As it is now GET CARTER is about as piquant as a drying wall. Stallone will be vituperated by press and fans alike. Hell be accused of ruining a great movie and will, no doubt, start to make his films in Europe and not bother releasing them here in the U.S.

A perfect example of whats wrong with the new Carter:

While the opening credits role and Carter travels by train, Michael Caine snorts coke. Stallone helps an old lady place a bag in the overhead compartment.

-- Darwin Mayflower.

(All scripts discussed and reviewed here can be purchased at scriptforum.com.)

Send thoughts and comments to: darwinmayflower@yahoo.com