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ADVENTURES IN HOLLYWEIRD: Hollywood Truths & Lies

[Bud Fleisher has sold over 19 screenplays and treatments, been produced to many times to count, and has been a working man's writer in Hollywood since the early eighties. Bud is now a columnist for the Utopia and will soon be doing Q & A.]


ADVENTURES IN HOLLYWEIRD (Part # 2)
Bud Fleisher

(From "Swimming With Sharks." Written and Directed by George Huang, based on his experiences while working under Barry Sonnenberg at Colombia Pictures. The film opens with the following introduction):

"In Hollywood one of the fastest ways to the top is to work for someone who's already there. The system dictates that one must first be a slave before you can become a success. This can be a very demanding process. Only a few people have the drive to endure the thousands of indignities and hardships that make up the system. Now this drive is usually motivated by greed...sometimes ambition...sometimes even love. There are stories of love inspiring success over the most insurmountable of odds. This is not one of them."

Those of you who have read my previous postings know I was "in" the business. No, I did not, as admitted, make the "big time." But I was there and I did "do the business." This film has been referred to as a "comedy", and it most certainly is not! It contains violence, torture, and highly dramatic scenes of the sometimes brutal dehumanization of one or more people. It is NOT a comedy. Perhaps it could be categorized (at least in part) as a satire. But as in all good satire, it points up some graphic truths.

I'd like to take another look at this introduction and tell you some additional "truths" about the business that so many of you hopefuls want to be a part of...

"In Hollywood one of the fastest ways to the top is to work for someone who's already there."

So so true! When I lived in North Hollywood there were literally hundreds--no thousands--of people clamoring to get jobs working for the studio executives. The reason, in most cases, is clearly stated above. Case in Point: While living in North Hollywood for years I attempted to get an assignment--any assignment!--writing for television shows. Why? Because they are (as Rod Serling once admitted) one of the most overpaid jobs in the industry. A writer can literally make $30,000 or more for one 55 page script! A few of those, plus the residuals to come later...well, you figure it out.

Back to my story. I had no success. It was a "closed door" for many reasons (which I will perhaps go into more detail about in a later article--that is I will tell you some of the "real" reasons you are rejected, not the bullshit given to you in most of those rejection letters). A man and his wife moved in next door. We became friendly. It turned out he was an editor for a television show being made for Universal Studios: "The Incredible Hulk." He aspired to be a Producer. Although he was well-liked, they told him they preferred their producers also be able to write. He came to me (because he knew I "really could write") and offered to take any outlines I created for the show to the story editors of the program. I quickly came up with five of them, two of which they liked very much.

A miracle? Well, already we see that the treatments "got in" because of somebody on the inside. I was thrilled. This young editor came to me and told me that they wanted he and I to come in for a story conference. Apparently we were going to be given a script assignment (of course "I" would write it, but "we" would share the writing credit). Still, I was excited. It was a way "in", and long ago I learned that this was what it was really all about.

Well, the damn show was canceled--Universal only ordered 8 more segments! Notwithstanding all of the clamoring the current staff was doing to get their bids in for the final bucks, this was not the reason one of them was not my (oops "our") treatment. No, this young editor told me that "our" assignment was given to the Producer's secretary! She had never written a script before, but always wished to, so "there you go--tough shit on you guys!"

Are you learning?

"The system dictates that one must first be a slave before you can become a success. This can be a very demanding process"

Now what must be understood here is that there definitely is a "system." What you have to do is to learn that "system" AND THEN take your shots. Frankly, the "system" mainly works against writer's in Hollywood, NOT for them. And again, you are going to have to be willing to lay aside the bullshit hype stories you hear and confront this reality. I AM NOT trying to tell anyone to give up their "dream." But I AM telling you to learn the truth about the business and do your best to either get around it or make it work for you in some other way.

One part of that system that works against you is the so-called "readers." You can bet your booty that many (probably most) of them are there in their own attempts to "get in", and it is highly doubtful they are the least interested in your talent or in getting "you" a job they want themselves! I have known enough so-called "development" executives in production companies to assure you there is a good chance they are not only unpaid, but probably there pursuing their own agenda--NOT yours. So submitting to them can be a complete waste of time. Sorry, but this is a reality you should know. It is often a part of the "system."

So "who" do you want to reach with that script of yours? Roger!--The guy or gal who has the power to make a film or is very very close to those who can.

Are you learning ?

"Only a few people have the drive to endure the thousands of indignities and hardships that make up the system"

It goes with the territory. I won't go into details here at this time, but if you ever get to move around the real world of the Biz you will discover this too-often bitter truth; especially in those instances where you are talking to a producer or director who often can't spell your name telling you what they think will "make this script great."

Huge egos in Hollyweird and a lot (not all) of them having little basis in fact.

"Now this drive is usually motivated by greed..."

This is Often the greatest hurdle you face, especially in television. Ask yourself: Why should this (or any) producer give "you" a writing assignment that can be worth $30,000 or more when he doesn't even know you? And especially, when often he/she can sit down and in a few days "come up" with a script (probably some rehash of something he/she did before) of 55 pages? If it's atrocious--well they have a staff of people to rewrite it, and he/she can still make lots of bucks on it?

Are you learning?

"Sometimes ambition...sometimes even love. There are stories of love inspiring success over the most insurmountable of odds."

Very few of them. These are the exceptions... And remember that the "exception" proves the rule.

"This is not one of them."

No, this particular movie story wasn't, but is seemed to be a very revealing one; and, as I've tried to show above, it is unfortunately a very truthful situation in Hollyweird.

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