Stripping Down the Essentials: Art of the Query
March 15th, 2007
Hollywood Script Consultants
BY JUDY KELLEM
Why are query letters so hard to write?
There you are, confident you have a great script - the story's spot on, the plot's firmly in place and you're madly in love with the characters you've created. Now is the moment of pay off where you've graduated - a full script in hand - and stand before those terrifying, golden gates to the kingdom of MARKETING. First step is just one brief letter, the hook that you must bait with a perfect "pitch" to get those first bites. How hard can writing a paragraph description of your masterpiece be? Heck, you just cranked out 120 pages of plot and dialogue!
Now five drafts into the query you're ready to be committed.
For those of you who's buttons are popping, don't fret - there is a solution. The keys to writing a great query are the same ones you used to write a great script: FOCUS, VISION and COMPRESSION.
In a query, you have a tiny space to convey an entire world. In those one or two paragraphs you must communicate to your reader a sense of what your main story is, what drives the plot, who your main characters are and what genre you are writing in. Underlying your summary of the story, you must also transmit the mood, tone and spirit of your script so that the reader instantaneously feels brought into your fiction and knows what they're in for in reading your screenplay. Just like writing a great dramatic scene, EVERY WORD COUNTS. Making every sentence rich with exposition, drama and urgency is imperative.
How do you do this?
First thing is where to start from. When you sit down to write your query, get crystal clear on what the absolute heart of the story is so that it can work as your compass. You can jot down phrases to help yourself wade through the mire, sifting through all the extraneous arcs, themes etc that are in the material to zero in on the bottom line. For example, what is "STAR WARS" really about? A lot of things - good versus evil, imperialism and despots, fathers and sons, first love, to name a few. But at the very core of this movie, one could argue, is LUKE SKYWALKER'S COMING OF AGE. It is his growth from being a boy to being a man that unites all the other story arcs. This is the FOCUS. Hence, in pitching the script one could begin with this umbrella trajectory:
" Born on the planet of Tatooine, young, inexperienced farmer LUKE SKYWALKER has only dreamt of traveling outside his hemisphere. Until now. For when he discovers two foreign robots on his land, which contain the destructive plans for a 'Death Star' weapon capable of destroying entire worlds within seconds, Luke is catapulted out of his boyhood and into an intergalactic struggle between the forces of good and evil."
Now, get crystal clear on what your central plot is. Again, you can make a list so that you really separate out the subplots, secondary storylines etc to home in on what MAIN CONFLICT drives the pages. In "Star Wars", an example of how to COMPRESS this would be:
" Plans in hand, Luke soon discovers that 'Death Star' is the invention of a psychopathic emperor and his faithful servant, DARTH VADAR, who rule the universe through fear and are unchallenged save for a fledgling Rebel Alliance. Now lead by an ancient warrior and helped by the two robots, plus a pilot and his alien companion, Luke must get the Death Star plans to Rebel leaders on planet Alderaan."
You've pinned down the plot. Is it now possible to go back and sneak in your primary subplot or a great plot twist?
RE "STAR WARS", one starting try would be: "But when Luke and his comrades reach the coordinates for Alderaan they find it's been obliterated. Now caught in the Death Star's tractor beam, they are sucked into the deadly ship, where they are narrowly able to rescue a beautiful rebel leader, PRINCESS LEIA but now must escape and destroy the Death Star before Darth Vadar destroys them, annihilating the universe's only hope for salvation."
Last step: If possible, tighten what you have and massage into the story summary some moody language to relate the underlying tone and feel of the script. Push the expositional terms of the summary into a description that gives us your VISION - i.e. that EVEN BETTER WAY OF SAYING IT that will truly transmit the original passion that got you writing this particular story in the first place. Why THIS story? What is so fascinating about it? Get in touch with this and further tweak your description if you can, so that your artistic flare can shine through each word. (This is the hardest part. This is why "writing is rewriting" and why it's so crucial to making a good pitch GREAT.)
You should now be able to sit back after all of this, look at what you've written and unequivocally announce that you have:
*GIVEN US THE HEART OF/MAIN STORY OF YOUR MOVIE ONLY
*GIVEN US THE MAIN PLOT ONLY
*GIVEN US THE OVERALL FEEL OF YOUR MOVIE - THE TONE OF YOUR PITCH SHOULD REFLECT THAT OF YOUR SCRIPT
*GIVEN US A REASON TO LOVE AND FOLLOW YOUR HERO
*GIVEN US A SERIOUS CLIFFHANGER TO PEER OUT FROM
Sandwich your completed pitch between a quick introduction and farewell to the reader, and you are set to burst through those golden gates, go on your merry way along the road to selling your screenplay!
And remember, like anything, query writing will probably get easier as you get used to doing it. Like that old editing hat, a query hat will appear on your writing coat tree, at the ready to be plopped on your head when that time comes round again to grace your script du jour with a worthy summary.
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